This article is part of a continuing series. If you are seeking help
recovering from your own abortion, you will receive the most benefit
if you begin with the first article: Streams of Life Archives,
Each year when we have promotions in Sunday school
classes, I watch the new three year olds in my class argue over who
had a crayon or book first, or shout they want to be next in line
for help on a craft or something fun. I see them hit or pinch or do
anything to get their way. As the weeks go by and they learn to
interact with each other and learn to share and take turns, Sunday
mornings are much more enjoyable for all. Soon they are hugging and
telling each other they are best friends. This is such a precious
thing to watch. This is Godís word in their hearts preparing them
to follow Godís will for their lives and show a dying world the
love of Jesus. This is how we should grow and learn to love each
other. Iím so blessed to have God do a miracle in my life and
allow me the privilege of being a three-year-old Sunday school
It seems that some of us never get past the two year old
stage in our lives. I know I was a "terrible two" for many
years. I did most anything to get my way. If it meant yelling,
slamming doors, throwing things or even suicide attempts, then that
is what I did. Nobody was going to do anything to me again! I was
tired of being dumped on! Of course if I was drunk while doing these
things, that made it so much easier. Then I could always say that I
didnít know what I was doing. I had all kinds of excuses for my
dreadful behavior. And of course, it wasnít my fault. After all,
look at all the terrible things that had happened in my life. I
deserved to have some good things happen for a change, didnít I? I
wanted to take control of my life from now on. I wasnít going to
be led by people who gave me wrong answers again.
If only I could have had a godly father.Ö Why couldnít
I have had a dad like my friends had? Why couldnít I have a dad
who was there for me to protect and nurture and teach me the ways of
Jesus? One to put his loving arms around me and tell me everything
would be okay. Instead, my dad was an alcoholic. I was so angry with
him because he wasnít there for me! Psalm 68:5 tells me God
is "a father to the fatherless."
I think I tried to replace my fatherís love in many
ways. I searched to find a man to take my fatherís place but none
could live up to my expectations of what a father should be. I was
always left with an empty feeling. Each ended relationship only
brought more sin and heartache into my life.
I wish I had known my Heavenly Father. Instead, I was
angry with God too, and that scared me! "Is this the way you
repay the Lord, 0 foolish and unwise people? Is he not your Father,
your Creator, who made you and formed you?" (Deuteronomy 32:6).
He provides my needs for "my Father knows what I need before I
ask him" (Matthew 6:8). Isaiah 9:6 tells me that He is my
"Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace." He will never leave me or forsake me!
I was afraid of the tomorrows because all my yesterdays
were not as I had wished for. I was not in control of my life and
this made me afraid. Yet I still wouldnít give God control of my
life, even though it was so filled with sin that it made me
spiritually and physically ill. "For if you live according to
the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to
death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are
led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a
spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the
Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Godís
children. Now if we are children, then heirsóheirs of God and
co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his suffering in order
that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8:13-17).
I believe God was using even my mistakes to mold me into
the person He would have me to be... using each heartache to teach
me a lesson. We have a guide for how we should live our lives, if
only we would study it and obey what it teaches. "All scripture
is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and
training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly
equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
Since I was living a life of sin, my Heavenly Father had
to discipline me. Godís discipline is wise and loving. In Hebrews
12:5-11, God addresses you as sons:
My son, do not make light of the Lordís discipline, and do
not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines
those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For
what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not
disciplined, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.
Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we
respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the
Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a
little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our
good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems
pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces
a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been
trained by it.