Each year when we have promotions in Sunday school classes, I watch the new three year olds in my class argue over who had a crayon or book first, or shout they want to be next in line for help on a craft or something fun. I see them hit or pinch or do anything to get their way. As the weeks go by and they learn to interact with each other and learn to share and take turns, Sunday mornings are much more enjoyable for all. Soon they are hugging and telling each other they are best friends. This is such a precious thing to watch. This is God’s word in their hearts preparing them to follow God’s will for their lives and show a dying world the love of Jesus. This is how we should grow and learn to love each other. I’m so blessed to have God do a miracle in my life and allow me the privilege of being a three-year-old Sunday school teacher.

It seems that some of us never get past the two year old stage in our lives. I know I was a "terrible two" for many years. I did most anything to get my way. If it meant yelling, slamming doors, throwing things or even suicide attempts, then that is what I did. Nobody was going to do anything to me again! I was tired of being dumped on! Of course if I was drunk while doing these things, that made it so much easier. Then I could always say that I didn’t know what I was doing. I had all kinds of excuses for my dreadful behavior. And of course, it wasn’t my fault. After all, look at all the terrible things that had happened in my life. I deserved to have some good things happen for a change, didn’t I? I wanted to take control of my life from now on. I wasn’t going to be led by people who gave me wrong answers again.

If only I could have had a godly father.… Why couldn’t I have had a dad like my friends had? Why couldn’t I have a dad who was there for me to protect and nurture and teach me the ways of Jesus? One to put his loving arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. Instead, my dad was an alcoholic. I was so angry with him because he wasn’t there for me! Psalm 68:5 tells me God is "a father to the fatherless."

I think I tried to replace my father’s love in many ways. I searched to find a man to take my father’s place but none could live up to my expectations of what a father should be. I was always left with an empty feeling. Each ended relationship only brought more sin and heartache into my life.

I wish I had known my Heavenly Father. Instead, I was angry with God too, and that scared me! "Is this the way you repay the Lord, 0 foolish and unwise people? Is he not your Father, your Creator, who made you and formed you?" (Deuteronomy 32:6). He provides my needs for "my Father knows what I need before I ask him" (Matthew 6:8). Isaiah 9:6 tells me that He is my "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." He will never leave me or forsake me!

I was afraid of the tomorrows because all my yesterdays were not as I had wished for. I was not in control of my life and this made me afraid. Yet I still wouldn’t give God control of my life, even though it was so filled with sin that it made me spiritually and physically ill. "For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his suffering in order that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8:13-17).

I believe God was using even my mistakes to mold me into the person He would have me to be... using each heartache to teach me a lesson. We have a guide for how we should live our lives, if only we would study it and obey what it teaches. "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Since I was living a life of sin, my Heavenly Father had to discipline me. God’s discipline is wise and loving. In Hebrews 12:5-11, God addresses you as sons:

When I go through trials in my life now, I pray that I do not miss the lesson that my Heavenly Father would have me learn so that I might be more like Jesus.